I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
