My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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