tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
