fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
