i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Fuck appropriateness.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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