Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
