so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
you never un-have a 4some
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
