I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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