i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
