guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
