I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
