I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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