winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
