The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
