It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
