so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
