The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
