Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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