You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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