i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm like, not good at living.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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