I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
