I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
