I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
