I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
