Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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