I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize