OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
