Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
