Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
