Im at strip club and am horny
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The police scanner is talking about you again....
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
