my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
