theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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