if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize