just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
