My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
