I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
did you just send me my own nude
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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