im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
