using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize