i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
