Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You are the jesus of drinking
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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