She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
