dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
