soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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