This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
