Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Someone shit on the floor
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
