I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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