I want to have your abortion
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
