i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
