he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
