This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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