This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you didnt know i had herpes?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
