she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
