He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
