You're my little dorito
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
