Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
