she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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