for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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