census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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