2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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