grandma shit on top of the toilet
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
wow bdsm is so cute
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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