normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
