I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There's always time for handjobs
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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