I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
