Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
