yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
should my penis look like a turkey
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
