i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
