I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize