I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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