my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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