That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
