shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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