Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
