We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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